Heavy is the Crown of a “funny” person

Being funny is a gift. A blessing. A divine calling. But guys, it is also a burden. A cross I did not ask to carry.

Once upon a time, I was just a girl with thoughts. Regular thoughts. Serious thoughts. Deep, introspective thoughts about life, existence, and why the Perks of being a wallflower and Pitch perfect are the only movies I’ll rewatch. Then, one day, I made the mistake of adding a Nollywood meme to one of my essays. Just one. A little something to spice things up. A mere seasoning cube in the pot of my words.

And that was the beginning of my downfall.

Now, I cannot breathe without someone demanding funnier, funnier, FUNNIER. If I dare to write about anything remotely serious, my inbox is flooded:

“Where is the meme?”

“Why are you talking about life like life is real?”

“Where is the humor? The laughter? The serotonin?”

One person even messaged me, and I kid you not, “Babe, please don’t go through character development, we need the jokes.”

Excuse me?? You people want me to remain unserious forever? To never reflect? To never grow? To be an eternal supplier of laughter while I suffer in silence??

I am tired. I am weak. I am weary.

Do you think it is easy? To make up “funny” stuff? Do you think I wake up every morning bursting with jokes like some kind of stand-up comedian? Sometimes, I just want to write a nice, quiet, thought-provoking piece. No memes. No GIFs. Just words. But no. You people will not allow it.

I tried once. Just once. I wrote something deep about life, and I thought, Ah, finally, they will see my intellectual side. I clicked “publish” with pride. And what did I get? Not praise. Not appreciation. Just DMs saying, “Oya now, where is our meme?”

I am suffering.

And I now have scientific proof that I am not alone.

According to a very real and definitely not made-up study from the University of Nunya biznes, people who are consistently funny are 76% more likely to suffer from audience entitlement. The study also found that once you make people laugh three times in a row, they lose the ability to take you seriously.

One researcher stated, “Funny people are at high risk of being treated like human meme dispensers. Their attempts to be serious are met with confusion, and sometimes, outright rejection.”

Another researcher added, “It’s a crisis. A joke pandemic, if you will.”

I am a victim.

But fine. You want jokes? Take your jokes. Take your memes. Let me dance for your entertainment like a court jester in the digital kingdom. But just know, one day, I will write a serious essay, and you will listen. One day, I will write about the state of the world, and you will sit in silence, reflecting. One day, I will drop an entire essay with not a single meme in sight.

And on that day, you will weep.

Until then… enjoy this meme of Aunty Patience Ozokwor looking menacingly at an unseen enemy.